Fuegito — my little fire. A body of work developed over 2019–2021.

The bright red, orange and yellow symbolize the burn I felt during this pregnancy as my womb often felt on fire. It is because of this that this body of work is titled Fuego, or Fuegito — my little fire.

Blood Thoughts — a composition I wrote and filmed during this body of work.

Standing behind the canvas, the red yarn running from the base of the painted bulb down between my legs and along the floor The Christmas My Baby Died, 2020 — oil and yarn on canvas, human legs, photography

The light bulb shape represents my womb. I chose this shape because it is often used in relationship with having an idea. In regards to this piece, it represents the false ideas I had when I began my third pregnancy journey; that I will have this baby and that nothing could go wrong.

The painting hung on the wall on its own, the red yarn falling from the base of the bulb and pooling across the floor

A marker drawing of the same image on notebook paper, dark flowers raining down over a red and yellow bulb Study.

I had intended to outline my body every day for the entire duration of the pregnancy, not knowing that the pregnancy would end in miscarriage. That is why the piece ends with the blood, the loss, and the flowers, which represent grief.

The scroll hanging from the ceiling and running out across the floor, the outlined figures reaching down its length Week by Week

The scroll installed in the gallery, the red paint running down into the flowers at its foot

The scroll running down the wall and out across the carpet, the contour drawings above the red and the flowers laid across its foot

Closer down the scroll, the red running in long streaks through the scattered white flowers

A sheet of overlapping contour drawings, each outline labeled with its day, from Day 50 through Day 56

Overlapping contours filling the sheet, Day 57 through Day 63

A dense tangle of contours, Day 64 through Day 70, the lines pooling into a knot at the center

Fewer, larger figures across the sheet, Day 72 through Day 75

Detail of the crossing lines, the days marked in small handwriting along them

Closer still, two labeled lines running through a pale field of overlapping shapes

The drawings on the roll.

The scroll installed, the red running down into the flowers at its foot.

A toilet seat mounted on the wall, four pregnancy tests set into it like the hands of a clock, an iPhone playing video at its center The Veil, 2020 — toilet seat, pregnancy tests, paint, iPhone and video

The video depicts my incessant checking to see if I am pregnant.

The intent of this piece is to capture the time and intimate space between knowing and not knowing if you have conceived a child. In an attempt to share the anxiety of the unknown, these often private moments exist between a woman and her potentially fertilized ovum. Signifying the start of her journey as a vessel, The Veil represents this fragile, often unaccounted for time frame when a woman’s body is open and begins the process of pulling energy from the Universe.

This piece is the first in the Fuego series, as this pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage at 16 weeks.

Two square paintings hung one above the other, grey rounded forms ringed by bands of red, gold and silver glitter Fuego: A Lesson in Control, 2020 — oil, graphite, charcoal and glitter on canvas

I carried our baby for 16 weeks; 112 days. These two paintings represent the cell division of an embryo. Defects of chromosomal anomalies can happen within the first days or weeks of gestation.

In each of these paintings I applied 112 layers to represent every day that my body nurtured this baby. I then sanded, 112 times, off the surface of each painting. This methodical approach is a symbolic reference to the build up of hormones that I felt in my body. The sanding away of layers represents the residual hormones that lingered in my body for weeks after the loss.

Pregnancy loss is loss. It is physical and deeply emotional, and is only fully experienced at the expense and surrender of a woman’s body.

One of the two panels on the wall, the grey forms ringed by bands of red, gold and silver glitter

Close on the glitter surface.